I DO NOT want to lose steam!  I WANT to press on.  Right now, I feel like my flesh is weak.

No matter how simple one tries to make life, the holidays always seem to create stress.  Really, if I think about it, the holidays are supposed to be focused first on God's gift to us in His son.  From that fact it follows that we commemorate this occasion by focusing on serving the Lord, loving one another, and reveling in true joy.  Of course, one way people celebrate is through parties.  I think this is where some of the stress comes in... at least for me... and I LOVE parties!  

Think about it.  Every group of which we're members has some sort of Christmas gathering.  If it sounds like I'm complaining and being a Scrooge, trust me, that's not my intent.  It's just that the weeks leading up to Christmas become a long string of events.   Concerts, parties, performances, etc.  Now sprinkle in decorating and cleaning for Christmas.  Of course the house needs to be decorated somehow both inside and out.  (and again, I LOVE DECORATING!!!!)  Also, who wants to revel in a dirty house during the holidays?  Not me!  If one works, one needs to make sure everything is caught up before vacation time begins.  For me, it's grading and planning.  For Henry, it's MOUNTAINS of paperwork.  Plus, if a family is planning to have guests or travel over the holidays, there are a gagillion preparations to be made in that regard too.  

So then we come to eating.  When do I plan what to eat?  How do I keep on track when there are delicious goodies ALL OVER THE PLACE???  There are times when I'm strong, but today wasn't one of them.  I have a weakness when it comes to those stupid frosted Lofthouse sugar cookies.  They're not gluten free and they're 5 points a piece.  I had four of them.  Ugh.  I counted the points, though.  Of course I dug into my flexpoints for the week, but that's why they're there.  Ultimately, all is not lost.  I just want this excess weight to "get lost".  

So, tomorrow is another day, right? I WILL (with God's help) press on!  

A good friend told me about a breakfast that's only 1 point and it satisfies her until lunch.  It's three pieces of Publix precooked microwave bacon (1 point, total) and a banana.  

A 1 POINT BREAKFAST THAT INCLUDES BACON?!?!?!?  Count me in.  

So, yesterday Henry and I had a DATE!  Yes, a real date!  We got a babysitter for Selah and we were graciously given a gift card to Stickey Fingers (for those of you not from SC, Stickey Fingers is an amazing barbeque restaurant).  I saved my points and ate...  I mean REALLY ATE last night,  Let's just say that at the end of the evening, many, MANY wet wipes were needed to make me presentable again.  :-)  

Now, when it came time to tally my points, I found that not only had I eaten the rest of my daily point allotment, but I had also eaten the rest of my flex points for the week.  Now, for those who are not familiar with Weight Watchers, each food is worth a certain amount of points.  Based on your weight, age, and gender, a person is given a certain amount of points that they need to eat each day.  Knowing that each day is different and there are times when one may indulge, Weight Watchers gives a certain amount of flex points that a person can use each week.  You don't HAVE to use them, but it's okay if you do.  Well, I did.  In a big way.  

I know I shouldn't step on the scale every day, but I do anyhow.  Of course my weight was up a little this morning and I was a bit discouraged.  In fact, I didn't really tally my points for yesterday until tonight.  I've just been so busy.  I have to remember that my weight loss and health are priorities.  I'm afraid that perhaps I'm losing some steam and I don't want that to happen.  It can't happen.  This transformation in my head, heart, and body MUST happen.  I can't stay at 328 lbs and live a long, healthy life.  That (historically) does not happen.

What's interesting to me at this present moment is that as I write this blog, I feel myself getting encouraged.  Is it because the people who read it are praying for and encouraging me?  Perhaps.  Maybe there's just something psychological about putting it into words.  More than likely, it's a combination of the two...

Anyhow, that being said, I will continue to blog on...  

                                                                             ... but log off for now.  

Ok, the first 10 lbs are behind me!  WOO HOOO!!!!!

Now, given that I need to lose over 100 lbs more, well...  that's just a drop in the bucket.  However, before two weeks ago, that bucket was D-R-Y and empty.  It now has 10 lbs in it.  It's a good start and I'll take it!

Yesterday was an interesting eating day.  Henry, Selah, and I attended a beautiful wedding and I had saved my WW points in order to really enjoy the reception.  The whole ceremony and the festivities that followed were STUNNING and we had a great time.  The only problem with instances like that is I don't really know how to count points since 1.) I don't know the recipes, 2.) we were eating appetizer portions (although we often ate more than one of something if it was particularly scrumptious), and 3.) after two glasses of wine, I kinda lost track of exactly how much I was eating.  Now, I know I didn't go crazy with the food, but I also know I did indulge just a little.  So, I guess I just do the best I can with tracking the points, recognize that we don't go to Charlestowne Landing for a swanky party every day, and move on...

Speaking of the wedding, that brings up another aspect of this journey that I want to think through and address.  That aspect is...  how I dress.   I've always loved clothes and accessorizing.  My fashion sense isn't really over-the-top, but I enjoy letting my creative and dramatic juices flow when it comes to what I wear.  This is next to impossible when one is fat.  It becomes even more difficult when one's budget is considered.

My daily wardrobe has gone from tailored black pants, sassy/ trendy sweaters, and leather boots to a rotation between two pairs of tired capris, stretched out jersey knit tops, and flip-flops.   I don't think I've ever really looked "dowdy", but I don't feel like I look like myself when I see my reflection.   I used to get sad when I looked in closet and saw those fun and interesting clothes that no longer fit. but this is changing.  Now that I've started Weight Watchers, I look at those clothes and I'm feeling a little less defeated and a bit more excited.  I am determined to wear those pieces again- especially the ones that are still in style!  (I DO NOT want to be one of those moms who wears her old clothes solely because she can and yet she looks like she just stepped out of a Sears catalog from 1985.)

Yesterday I was able to wear a blue dress that fit well and was flattering.  It reminded me of how it felt to feel good about one's appearance and it gave me more drive to press on to success.  With God's help, I can do this!  I guess the question I just need to keep in mind as I progress is, "Do I want the pizza or the pizzazz?"

I vote for the pizzazz.